Friday, January 27, 2012

Message Number Thirteen

This message has been coming to me over the past day or so and I am trying to find the right words to express the thoughts that Spirit is giving me. It has to do with the way that we relate to one another.

We all have people in our lives who are very important to us, whether they be husbands, wives, children, parents, significant others, or just very close friends and relatives. We have connections with these people that some call soul ties and some call cords. These are like invisible links that connect us. It is like having an invisible umbilical cord between you and each person in your life that you are in relationship with. These soul ties can be good and healthy connections and sometimes they can be unhealthy. Even connections that are healthy most of the time can at times be unhealthy. Sometimes people that you love can seem like they drain you and adversely, sometimes you may drain them. Sometimes you just don't really want to be around certain people, even though you love them.

I will give you an example. My dad lives in Florida and my daughter lives a couple hours away. I call them both almost every day. Most days I enjoy the calls. Some days I really don't feel like being sociable. Maybe I am tired or busy with other things. But usually I will call anyway, whether I feel like it or not. Why do I do this? At some level I  know that sometimes I call only because I feel obligated to do so or because if I don't I feel guilty. This is when the connection between us becomes unhealthy. I have allowed feelings of guilt or obligation be my reason for connecting with them.

Sometimes if things get out of hand your energy becomes enmeshed with the energy of those that you love. The boundaries between you and others become gray. When this happens you may frequently put aside your own needs to accommodate the needs of others. Sometimes this is called co dependency. Someone needs you and you need to be needed. Or you allow guilt or obligation to steer your decisions and the way you treat others. You allow your own needs to become subject to the needs of someone else. This is when the unhealthy cords get so strong that your energy is being drained out.

As I learned to cut the unhealthy attachments between myself and others I learned the necessity of establishing healthy attachments with the same people. I realized that I am not expected to call every day and it was myself who put the unreasonable expectation out there on myself. After I discovered this, my Angels told me before I had an interaction with someone, to focus on the interaction being one that came out of my heart. I silently sent out a cord of love from my heart to the other person before I called or before I interacted with them. I asked that the interaction be mutually beneficial. I made the contract with myself that I never made another obligatory phone call. I changed my mental attitude about the phone call from something I felt obligated to do to something that I wanted to do.

This applies to all our relationships. We all sometimes do things for people that we love even though we really don't want to. It only becomes a problem when it starts happening frequently and we lose our sense of self or do not speak up and say that we need some time or space for ourselves. If we do things for people that we love our acts of selflessness should come from our heart and not from some sense of guilt or obligation. It also should not come from a fear of rejection or abandonment. If we are in fear of the loss of the relationship, then that also is an unhealthy soul tie. It is fairly easy to detect when we are doing things out of love or out of fear.

My Angels wanted me to add that this also applies to our relationship with Spirit. I grew up in organized religion and it was common practice to use fear of some sort of judgement from God to illicit certain behaviors out of the followers of said religion. I remember so many of my fellow church buddies saying they were afraid of what would happen if they didn't come to church every week or didn't pay their tithes to the church. I guess they thought God would come out of the sky and strike them or their finances or their health. My Angels said that it is so important to base your relationship on your Divine Source on love, not on fear, duty, obligation, or any other motive. This also applies to my daily messages, They told me. Sometimes, since I have started this commitment to Spirit to write a message a day for thirty days, I have gotten in tune with Spirit out of duty to fulfill this obligation I made to myself, my Guides, and my readers and have forgotten to connect out of love. This is so important. It is so important for all our connections with each other and with Spirit to be based in love.

Just for today, pay attention to the things you do for others. Pay attention to whether you are doing them out of love or out of fear. If you are doing them out of fear, make the commitment to yourself to always act out of love instead. It will make all the difference in your interactions with others.

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