Saturday, January 28, 2012

Breaking the Pattern of Abandonment

This message came to me some time ago but now I am feeling like it is time to publish it. It kind of goes along with the message from yesterday about relationships. This one is about the fear of abandonment which often has its roots in childhood.

Feelings of abandonment can be detected when a person, either yourself or someone you know, attaches themselves to you in such a way that is seems to suck the life right out of you. When you are around this person, you feel suffocated. The person who suffers from issues of abandonment will want to be around you all the time. They may continually find reasons for you to be connected with them. This is because they are afraid of being alone. They are afraid of not being in a relationship. They may find difficulty forming long term relationships because of the unhealthy attachments they form immediately, even after having just met the person their soul has decided to attach to.

If you or someone you know has trouble being alone, jumps into friendships or romantic relationships with both feet, spending all of their time and attention on being with the other person, then you or that person you know may be suffering from abandonment issues. This may stem from not getting enough attention when they were children, or from past life issues, or from some event that caused them to feel abandoned in this life, like a divorce or death.

What can you do if you suffer from feelings of abandonment? First of all, it is important to recognize that no person outside of yourself will ever make you feel like a whole person. I don't like the phrase... he or she completes me. You should feel whole and complete as a person yourself before you attempt to be in a relationship with someone else. In my experience in dealing with abandonment issues of my own, it seemed that the more comfortable I became with my own company, the less I needed affirmation from others. This takes much time and work. Yes, it is healthy to have close relationships with others. It is not healthy if you feel like you can't live without constant contact with others or constant affirmation from others.

If you find yourself in a position of attracting relationships with others who have issues with boundaries or if you feel sometimes smothered by a relationship with someone, you may be dealing with someone else who has abandonment issues. If this person is a close friend or relative, you may have to visit their soul and establish boundaries in the non physical realm before confronting them in the physical realm. At times you may have to set up boundaries in the conscious world as well.

I remember at one point in my life I was having dreams every night of a person from my past. I had not had any contact with this person in the physical realm for several years, and had no desire for any contact. But the person was contacting me in my sleep. After two weeks of dreaming of this person every night, I finally had to set up a boundary in the non physical realm. I imagined a wall between us that separated our souls and I commanded his soul to stay on the other side of the wall. I imagined any cords that connected us being severed and I sent back any energy that was his that had attached itself to me. Now that I have gotten more knowledge, I usually think to do this before I have dreamed of a person for two weeks. Recently I dreamed of someone and immediately knew upon awakening that an unhealthy soul tie had connected us. I severed the soul tie in the spirit realm and never mentioned anything to anyone about it. This person I have continuous contact with but I noticed an immediate change in our relationship. I did not have to confront this person in the physical realm. Their soul knew that a boundary had been established.

Healthy relationships are those in which neither person depends on the other for survival or completion. Each person is safe in his or her own skin. People with healthy self esteem can feel good while in a relationship but without the fear of the loss of that person. Sure, when we end a relationship there is always a period of adjustment. We will always grieve over the loss of someone we love. But when there is an unhealthy attachment, the strong person feels drained by the weak person's energy. This may cause one of the individuals to find reasons to not be around the other. As you can imagine, this will cause the person who is draining the energy of the other to become even more aggressive, unless steps are taken to end the unhealthy attachment.

Let us make every effort to find comfort in our own skin and not put unhealthy expectations on one another. Yes we are all connected. But we each have to learn to carry our own load. Remember to connect with others through your heart but also remember that your relationship with yourself is the most important one you can nurture. When you feel good about yourself then you have healthier relationships with others and with your Divine Source.

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