As a lifetime member of Low Self Esteem Anonymous, I could probably write a book on this topic.
Here is an excerpt from my recently released book that describes my perception that even as a young child I was not even good enough for God:
There are two parables that Jesus told that my mom used to read to me
over and over from my Bible story book. It was my favorite book and I
wanted it read to me every night.
They are the parables of the lost coins and the lost sheep. In the first
parable, Jesus tells of a man who has one hundred sheep and one gets
loose and runs away. He leaves the remaining ninety nine sheep in the pen
while he goes to look for the one that ran away. I did not connect with the
sheep that ran away but with the others who were safe in the pen. In my
mind, Jesus rejected the ones who stayed in the pen for the one who was
lost. The story of the lost coin is the same. The owner of the coins is more
concerned with finding the coin that was lost than the other coins which
were safe in his home. The story goes that when the lost coin and the lost
sheep were found, the owners had great celebrations over finding that
which was lost. I was never lost and no one celebrated me. I was just one
of the ones who stayed safe.
As you can see, I have a long relationship with low self esteem. When as a young child you believe that even Jesus has rejected you, you better believe that it is one of those issues that rears its ugly head more than once.
How did I overcome my years of berating myself and believing that I was "less than" everyone else?
A couple of years ago I was getting ready to see a client who had expressed interest in connecting with her brother on the other side. Although I had gained a good bit of confidence in hearing messages from Angels and Guides, I did not have confidence in the area of mediumship. Since this woman was a fairly good friend of mine, I did not feel uncomfortable expressing this lack of confidence to her. She would not be deterred, however, so the day before she was to come to see me, I sat with Spirit and this is the message I received:
"The only thing that is holding you back from communicating with those on the other side is the belief that you cannot do it. You have been talking to those on the other side for years. You just don't see yourself as a medium."
My assignment from Spirit was that I was to say to myself out loud and inside my head all day until she came, "I am a confident medium. I am a medium. I am a medium."
My friend came and we had a wonderful session! I described her brother perfectly and was able to answer some questions she had for him. That was the day I took on the mantle of medium. Up until that day I considered myself a messenger from Spirit. I guess I was just intimidated by the term "medium." I wasn't sure if I qualified. I wasn't sure if I had taken enough classes or maybe I needed some sort of certificate that said, "you are a medium."
No. What makes a person a medium or anything else is that when people come to you for help they leave better than they came. Those you serve are the ones who validate you. Not a certificate on the wall, not a list of who you have studied with, not all of those titles or initials after your name.
My lifelong battle with non-awesomeness has finally been laid to rest.
So what makes me awesome?
I think what makes me awesome is not that I can communicate with the dead or that I can read the tarot or that I can retrieve lost soul pieces through the shamanic healing technique of "soul retrieval." What makes me awesome is that I have compassion for those who are hurting and whatever I can do to be of service, that is what I want to do.
What makes you awesome?
Are you an amazing cook, or an amazing mom, or an amazing marathon runner?
Whatever gives you joy and makes you want to wake up in the morning, that is one part of why you are awesome!
But you are awesome just because you are you! It doesn't matter what so and so thinks about you or whether or not you burned dinner for the tenth time. It doesn't matter whether or not you came in last for the marathon, what matters is that you were so awesome you ran it!
The difference between winners and losers is that when winners fall down, they get back up. A hundred times.
Just for today, remember that YOU ARE AWESOME!
I would love for you to comment on this blog and tell me what is awesome about YOU!!