Saturday, February 27, 2010

Decisions Decisions

Ever since I was very small, I never quite fit in with the crowd. As a child I was extremely shy and found it difficult to make friends or connect with people my own age. I liked to hang around the adults, who didn't really want me there. My mother would have to lock me outside to get me to go play with kids my own age. (No she didn't really lock me outside.) I remember as a child I used to really feel like I belonged somewhere else.

Fast forward to adulthood. Still a feeling of not belonging, but not quite so pronounced. As I got older, I changed a lot and forgot those old feelings. Recently, however, I was out with a group of people and wham! Memories of feeling like I was on a completely different planet from everyone around me. That night I went home and dreamed I went out to eat with a group of friends and when I got there the table was full and I had to sit at a table all by myself. None of my friends joined me at the table and I ended up sitting there alone. The feelings of not belonging were so intense that I cried out that I did not want to be in this earth experience anymore. I was ready to leave. The dream was so intense that when I woke I wasn't sure whether I had dreamed the part of requesting to leave the planet or not.

Upon awakening from this dream, I felt I needed to decide whether or not to let the Higher Powers know if I was taking back the request to leave the planet. I remembered that in my childhood and early adulthood this was a frequent prayer of mine, although unanswered, but I had completely forgotten those familiar feelings from my past. Now a very happy and contented adult (most of the time), I may occasionally have feelings of discontent but the dream was so intense I really thought I had requested to leave.

I asked my Angels why I had dreamed this dream and I feel that they told me that recently I had been feeling out of sorts and they just wanted me to remember how far I had come. They wanted me to weigh what I still wanted to accomplish in my life and decide if I really wanted to accomplish what I feel I am here for or if I truly wanted to hang it up and move on to the next adventure. I truly believe we decide deep down in our souls the path that our soul travels and it was a decision my soul was contemplating.

Later that evening I was sitting on the couch watching some stupid show on TV with my husband and I looked over at him with a complete rush of contentment. I realized how truly blessed and happy I am and that the dream was there to remind me of that. Then today I went to lunch with some friends. I was the last one there just like in my dream only this time my friends had saved me a seat right in the middle of a long table. I realized that my soul had made its decision.

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