I am thinking of a favorite song of mine by Alanis Morrisette....I think it is called Thank You....
I haven't thought of this song in several years but there for awhile it was my theme song. The singer thanks all the bad things that have happened to her in her life because it brought her so much enlightenment, at least this is my interpretation. "Thank you terror, thank you disillusionment, thank you frailty, thank you consequence, thank you silence....." ........one of my favorite lines......" how 'bout me not blaming you for everything, how bout me enjoying a moment for once.."
Yesterday I was in a class and we had to go around in a circle and tell each other a little bit about ourselves and what brought us to where we are today. This class was a class where I received my certificate of Reiki Master Practitioner. I was thinking of how I got to where I am today. I think the turning point in my life was the day I realized that the messages I was receiving from Spirit were not being listened to or appreciated. I felt betrayed by those who taught me to hear from Spirit in the first place. I felt betrayed by the Holy Spirit who was giving me the messages that seemed to be always getting me in trouble. I felt completely miserable in my relationships and in the religion that had always given my life meaning and purpose. That day I completely lost my identity. And it would be many years before I found out who I really was but if I had not lost the person who I thought I was, I never would have found the person I have become.
But back to those words in the song. How bout me not blaming you for everything......who did I blame? I blamed the religion that taught me how to hear from Spirit and then did not like the messages I received. I blamed my first husband for the depression and despair. And then one day I realized that I was the one who created those experiences. And if I had not experienced the despair I would not have searched for something else. My ex did not make me depressed. I did that to myself. That was my soul crying out that there was something more out there that I had not discovered yet. Without the despair I would not have searched for something more. Without the disillusionment in one belief system I would not have searched for something else.
So thank you, disillusionment. Thank you silence. When there is silence I search within for my answers. Thank you frailty. That is when I find the strength within myself........."How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you?"
Today I think the Angels reminded me of those dark days many years ago because maybe there are those out there who are disillusioned. Don't allow the disillusionment to make you bitter. Instead allow it to be a stepping stone for whatever is next. It might take awhile before you find it. But thank the silence, thank the terror, thank the disillusionment. One day you will look back and see those days as the days that completely changed your life. And then you will say thank you.. thank you...
I am who I am today because one day many years ago I was disillusioned. I was sad. I was betrayed. And yes, maybe I felt sorry for myself for awhile but then I got up and I started looking. I looked for something better. I looked for love. And I found it within myself. And yes. Sometimes I love and it appears that I am taken advantage of. But if I don't consider myself to be taken advantage of then it doesn't matter, does it? And one day the Angels started talking again. Or maybe I just started listening again.
What do you think you will find when you start thanking the events that have tormented you? Thank those who have hurt you, who have betrayed you, who have taken advantage of you. For those are the events that cause you to look within for all the love, all the joy you can handle. Stop blaming and start living.......it's time.