Recently I had the opportunity to work with a family member who has dealt with a great deal of abandonment issues in her life. Her mother worked a lot when she was small and she felt abandoned then, then her parents divorced and she had to deal with it again. She ended up pregnant and the father broke up with her during the pregnancy. It happened over and over and it seemed that now every time she is not included in an event, the feelings of abandonment come rushing back to haunt her. Her mother also is dealing with a lot of guilt over the issues she is facing, because it is due to her choices that the daughter feels abandoned over and over. On the other hand I have had the opportunity to encourage mother and daughter to realize that the past is in the past, and now it is the daughter's challenge and opportunity to take charge of her own life and move past these feelings of abandonment.
At some point in our lives we all have to realize that our choices, good or bad, have affected others in a detrimental way. However, we also have to realize that the other person also has some responsibility also in the continuation of the pattern. We all have to choose to say, yes, these things happened and they were not pleasant, but now I choose to move on. Now I choose to take responsibility and not allow past patterns to continually repeat themselves. I can only be responsibly for my own actions and reactions. Yes it is important to acknowledge and repent of past sins, sins being defined as missing the mark. But it is also important to realize that now is a new day. Now is the time to stand up, take responsibility for our feelings, and realize that we can choose to feel differently. I encouraged the mother to let go of her feelings of guilt over the past and I encouraged the daughter to take responsibility for her feelings and choose to feel differently. I reminded her that when she expects to feel abandoned, then unconsciously the people in her life will fulfill her expectations. I encouraged her to say every day to herself.... I love and approve and appreciate myself and I am loved and appreciated and approved of in return. For the mother, I encouraged her to move past the events of the past and maintain the position of .. I am here for you, but you are responsible for how you feel. Guilt and blame be gone!!
We are all in this together. Let us thank past events for the lessons they have taught us, then let us move on and create a new future. Remember our lives are our own creation. No one is to blame for how our lives turn out except ourselves.