Sunday, January 24, 2010


I just got back from a week of vacation in Florida. While I was there, I ran outside every day, spent time walking on the beach with my dad and sister and niece, shopped, ate out a few times, and spent time just sitting outside enjoying milder weather conditions than we are currently experiencing here in Virginia in January.

When I first came up with the idea for the trip, I wanted it to be in conjunction with my birthday, which also happens to be within a week of my dad's birthday. I wanted it to be symbolic of moving into a new phase of life. Sometimes in the past year I had felt like I had been trudging knee deep through mud and I wanted the new year and the anniversary of my birth to be a sort of crossing an invisible threshold of sorts. I engaged the help of the Angels to assist me in envisioning a new year and a new outlook.

One morning I awoke a little early before the sun came up and my eyes were drawn to a book on my dad's shelf called Transformation of the Inner Man. I had read this book many years before, but felt compelled to pick it up and read an excerpt. This particular chapter was about judgements that we make as children and then usually forget, however the judgements follow us into adulthood and usually repeat the very incidents that we judged as children. We are powerless to change the crop that comes up unless we pull out those seeds we planted as children. As I went out for my run that morning, I asked the Angels if they had prompted me to read that particular chapter in that particular book, and if there was a judgement I needed to release.

My memory went back to when I was a small child and my mom would read to me a book of bible stories. One of the stories was about how the shepherd (Jesus) would leave ninety nine sheep safe in the fence to go out to rescue one lost sheep. I did not feel like I was the lost sheep that Jesus went out to find but that I was one of the ones he left behind. I felt invisible even to Jesus. I had judged myself unworthy of even Jesus coming to rescue me. I was very quiet as a child and always felt invisible when in a crowd. I had judged myself as invisible. And I had judged Jesus for abandoning me to save someone else.

Now as an adult my mind was drawn to a comment I always make about family events. I always say that I am not at any of the events since I am not in any of the pictures. I am always the one taking the pictures of everyone else and if I want to be in a picture I have to request someone else to take a photo. This old judgement has come back to haunt me.

During my run that day I released my judgement of myself for being invisible and I told Jesus that I realized that if I was lost he would come to my rescue.(hmmmmm, back to my old dreams of being lost mentioned in previous blogs). I realize that outer events mimic inner thoughts and beliefs and so I am working on seeing myself as someone who is visible and valuable to others.

I encourage everyone to notice patterns or thoughts within themselves and do some inner contemplation to see if maybe they have forgotten some of the seeds of judgement planted in the past that now have come to haunt them. Usually the very things we judge others for are the very things that we secretly or even unconsciously do ourselves in one way or another. There is great freedom in releasing ourselves and others from judgements that we may have even forgotten about.

The Law of Attraction says that what we think about grows. What about those weeds that grow up alongside of those flowers we have planted? We can't just ingore weeds and expect them to go away. We have to dig up the roots of those weeds and release them so that our flowers can grow and expand.

So I say to that invisible part of myself... thank you for revealing yourself to me. Thank you because now that I am aware of you I can appreciate you and give you the attention you deserve. You are no longer invisible.

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