Saturday, March 8, 2014

All About Boundaries

I learned this lesson years ago, but sometimes it seems old lessons come back to see if they have really been learned.

For the sake of anonymity, I am going to share a similar story with the same lesson from several years ago.

I was asked to connect with the soul of a man who was in a coma in California. His wife was beside herself and had not left his side for two weeks, even to go home to shower or sleep. A close relative was concerned for her well being as well as her husband's.

Upon connecting with the husband's soul, I found him in a tunnel of beautiful lights and colors. This was what I perceived to be the tunnel between here and the other side. He was contemplating whether to live or to cross over. I saw snippets of fond memories. I saw him ball room dancing with his wife (I later found out that this is how they met and it was their favorite pastime). I remember having a conversation with his soul and sending him love and light for whatever was best for his soul.

As an aside, if you ask me to pray for someone or to send them healing energy, I never ask that someone be healed or to live. I always send the highest love and light to their soul for whatever is best for their soul at this particular time. Even though we as loved ones may think we know what is best for someone, we don't. If it is best for them that they live, then the healing energy will bring healing. But I do not presume to know what is best.

I felt that I connected with the man's soul but I was not convinced that he had chosen to live. It ended up that he did wake up soon after my journey to his soul. He sat up in bed, connected with his wife, and had a moment of closure with her before he passed.

But this was not really the lesson here. I am sure the wife was beside herself with grief. This is to be expected. However, his soul decided that it was best for his highest path to cross over at that particular time. This is a lesson in boundaries.

Recently I was connecting with the soul of a woman who made known to me a request of a loved one. It seemed to me to be a good idea. At first I was not sure if the idea had come about from the woman or if I had just thought of it while sending her the healing energy. Thinking back I should have known but I will admit that at first I didn't. However, later, the woman's soul asked me to present the idea to her loved one, which I did not do. It came about that the woman ended up making the request herself. The loved one was not on board with the idea but felt guilty for wanting to refuse the request.

Here is the lesson.

 Even if it seems like a decision is a good one, if it is not good for any one of the parties involved in the decision, then it is not a good decision for any of them.

Sometimes we mistakenly think that being a martyr for a loved one is okay. It is not.

Sure it is okay to give up some personal conveniences or preferences sometimes to give of ourselves to others. However, we should give of ourselves from a place of love and the spirit of joy and giving in order for it to be a true gift of love. If we are giving of ourselves from a place of sacrifice, then the gift is not a blessing either for us or for the person to whom we are giving.

For years I stayed in a marriage in which I was miserable. I did it because I felt guilty for breaking up a home simply because I was not happy. I knew that my husband was emotionally and financially unable to cope without me. I mistakenly thought that my happiness was not important, that as long as everyone else was happy, that my own happiness was of no importance.

Guess what. After eighteen years I found myself in a position of realizing that my daughter was learning how to behave as a woman by my example. What kind of example was I giving her? What kind of man was she doomed to choose? One who depended on her for everything or one who treasured her and cocreated a life together with her?

Like I said, if a decision is not best for everyone involved, it is not best for any one of the people involved. In Reiki we learn that what heals one, heals the whole. What hurts one, hurts the whole.

Never think that you have to do something that will benefit someone else if it hurts your soul.

In the end, the decisions we make and the things we do for others will either bless others or it will disempower them. In the case of my unhappy marriage, I had to learn that someone else's happiness is not my responsibility. In the case of the man in the coma, he had to decide that despite the grief that he could feel coming from his wife, his soul was ready to move on to the next adventure.

Today's message from Spirit is this: look at your motivations. Are you giving of yourself from a place of love or some other motivation? Are you sacrificing too much of yourself because that is what you think you are "supposed" to do? Is your service to others coming from a place of love and joy? Is it feeding  your soul or robbing your soul?

If you are contemplating a decision that could affect more than one person, whose benefit are you considering? Are you considering what is best for everyone involved or are you willing to give up your own benefit for someone else? Many times we as parents think it is noble to stay together for our children, as I did, but what I really taught my daughter was that it was okay to be a martyr for someone else and that I was really just postponing the lessons that the other person needed to learn. I taught my daughter that my needs and feelings were not important. That my soul was worth less than his. What are we really teaching our children when we stay together for them?

We are all wonderful, valuable souls. We are all equally important. What is good for one is good for the whole. What is bad for one is bad for the whole.

Just for today, think about what is good for your soul and do something good just for you! It is okay to do something good for someone else, but don't forget to do something good for yourself. You are a beautiful, unique loving individual. You rock! Love yourself! In doing that you love the world.

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